Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Sometimes God just makes me laugh

So, remember my post from yesterday? The one where I was frustrated because God didn't answer my question and it confused me. Well, He answered me this morning. As I sat down with my Bible and the cute, new journal from the weekend, I said "well, are we going to work on this today?" He said, "wait, weren't we already working on something before?" And then I "remembered" that we had started studying through a couple of behavior issues I need to deal with....mainly anger and discipline. We have been looking at scripture every day concerning anger and how to discipline my children. No, I'm kind of done with that I actually what I thought was...oh, can't we just work on that later, after we do the fun, cute little journal? No. Anger. Discipline. It's what we are working on.

So that's why He didn't answer that question yesterday. Because I was supposed to be doing something else.

Oh, He just makes me laugh sometimes!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

God just confuses me sometimes

Oh, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever thought that. But really, sometimes I have to wonder about stuff with God.

This weekend I went on a great women's retreat to connect with God. And we did! We connected. He talked to me, I talked to Him, we had fun, we sang, we danced, we cried, we laughed. I'm thankful that I can have a relationship with God that is open enough to do all of those things.

So, this morning, I sat down with my Bible to read, pray and talk to God. We were given a follow-up journal to the weekend study we did on the retreat. It was an AMAZING study by Beth Moore that really arrested my heart and shook me up quite a bit. So I was really looking forward to working through the journal over the next few weeks to dig into the subject a lot more and grow from what I learned. I sat down all ready to attack the 1st page of that journal. I prayed that God would speak to me, that He would examine my heart and I would have Godly wisdom as I studied. I go to the 1st question and ask God what the real answer is. You see, I can answer it in my own mind and what I think...but that's not what I want...I want God to show me the truth in my heart. I know full well that I can deceive I want, I need God to show me the answer. So I ask. I wait, full expecting God to speak to my heart and I hear...... ummm, I hear....... hummmmm, I hear...... NOTHING, CRICKETS, NOTHING!!!

Seriously? Nothing? And this is where I get confused. I understand that sometimes I pray with a physical need....and I don't hear or receive an answer right away. I just feel like if I'm really sitting and asking God to examine my heart and show me where I am spiritually about a spiritual concept like "loving others"....I kind of expect Him to answer me! I can answer it myself but somehow I'm not quite sure if I can safely, correctly assess my ability to truly love others the way God requires. So I wanted Him to give me a little insight. And I'm still waiting.

And I'm not going on to question #2 until I get an answer. So there!

This post really isn't going anywhere neatly tied up answer or revelation. Just sort of sharing my frustration and confusion.