God just confuses me sometimes

Oh, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever thought that. But really, sometimes I have to wonder about stuff with God.

This weekend I went on a great women's retreat to connect with God. And we did! We connected. He talked to me, I talked to Him, we had fun, we sang, we danced, we cried, we laughed. I'm thankful that I can have a relationship with God that is open enough to do all of those things.

So, this morning, I sat down with my Bible to read, pray and talk to God. We were given a follow-up journal to the weekend study we did on the retreat. It was an AMAZING study by Beth Moore that really arrested my heart and shook me up quite a bit. So I was really looking forward to working through the journal over the next few weeks to dig into the subject a lot more and grow from what I learned. I sat down all ready to attack the 1st page of that journal. I prayed that God would speak to me, that He would examine my heart and I would have Godly wisdom as I studied. I go to the 1st question and ask God what the real answer is. You see, I can answer it in my own mind and what I think...but that's not what I want...I want God to show me the truth in my heart. I know full well that I can deceive myself....so I want, I need God to show me the answer. So I ask. I wait, full expecting God to speak to my heart and I hear...... ummm, I hear....... hummmmm, I hear...... NOTHING, CRICKETS, NOTHING!!!

Seriously? Nothing? And this is where I get confused. I understand that sometimes I pray with a physical need....and I don't hear or receive an answer right away. I just feel like if I'm really sitting and asking God to examine my heart and show me where I am spiritually about a spiritual concept like "loving others"....I kind of expect Him to answer me! I can answer it myself but somehow I'm not quite sure if I can safely, correctly assess my ability to truly love others the way God requires. So I wanted Him to give me a little insight. And I'm still waiting.

And I'm not going on to question #2 until I get an answer. So there!

This post really isn't going anywhere specific...no neatly tied up answer or revelation. Just sort of sharing my frustration and confusion.